The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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