Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
