tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
