im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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