you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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