Are we in a gay sports bar?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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