you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
