I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
