Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
