someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
