her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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