We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
