he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
