Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
