that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
