You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
