Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
