Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You left your phone here
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