One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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