dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
