mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my phone needs a breathalizer
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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