I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish my penis had a tongue
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
