he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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