dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
