was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
