i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
