i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
