I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize
