i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
