So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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