Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
