bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
