Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
