My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
