We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
