he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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