Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
