This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
