I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
