I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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