get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
