Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
