Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
