ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
