8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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