that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my fart just growled at me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
