My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize