Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.

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(760): View more from California

Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?

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(425): View more from Washington

I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....

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(303): View more from Colorado

he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

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(630): View more from Illinois

Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

(617): View more from Massachusetts

How about a mike?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Already had two of those

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(219): View more from Indiana

Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.

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