Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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