So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
