I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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