You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
