my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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