she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
