Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
