my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
