he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
