He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
