I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize