Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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