nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
