nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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