Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize