That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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