My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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