just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
