Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
