see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
