you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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