Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
