we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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