He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
