mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize